I'm done! For now...

Well, we made it through fall travel season.  It was hard, I'm not gonna lie.  I still don't regret my decision to go back to work - I'm not sure I'm cut out to be at home full time.  But traveling for work is really challenging.  I HATE pumping the car.  I generally dislike pumping anyways, but doing it in parking lots is less than pleasant (and having to squeeze it in on sometimes a very tight schedule has caused a few issues, including an upset alumnus and annoyed high schools because of my tardiness, and a very painful clogged duct due to not pumping because of not wanting to be late for every appointment). 

I've felt guilty that Jeff has had to deal with Graham and Cooper solo.  Because of where we live with no yard, he has to walk Cooper and Graham every morning and evening, which complicates things.  He's also had to be the one getting up for the middle of the night feedings (though in all fairness, I've done the middle of the night feedings significantly more times than the number of nights I've been gone, so I shouldn't feel guilty).  Also, I was getting up most nights I was gone to pump so that I could come home with enough milk to get him through days and night feedings (one trip there was only 2 bags of milk left, so it's a good thing I was doing midnight pumpings).

I missed the boys like crazy.  Every time I came home, I feel like Graham has changed and I've missed the changes.  Thankfully, though, he only responded negatively to my return once (of course it was after the first trip and resulted in both of us sobbing on the couch).  But after that, he's always seemed happy to see me, which is reassuring (I was afraid he wouldn't remember me because he's so young and I've been in and out all fall).

The ONLY "good" thing about travel was being able to run in the mornings/evenings a few times, which now isn't an option.  In the morning I have a short window with which to wake up, shower, feed Graham (twice), pack all of our bags, maybe eat breakfast, head to daycare and drive to work.  In the evenings, it's driving home, eating dinner and attempting to spend some time with my son before beginning our bedtime routine.

So, I'm home now.  I'm sick of my commute.  It's no longer a time for winding down.  It's now a source of stress thinking about all the time I'm wasting in the car that could be spent with Graham.  But not much can be done about it, so I'm trying to suck it up and not cry every time I get in the car.


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