New Year

I think I mentioned that I was going to abandon (ok, abandon sounds harsh - perhaps I'm just taking a break from) Western medicine for the next few months. What I've discovered is that Western medicine guarantees nothing, not when it comes to fertility. So why not try Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)? It claims essentially the same results. Neither are cheap because neither are covered by insurance (which is bullshit. Did you know that most impotence treatments are covered by insurance? But when it comes to a woman wanting to conceive - now that comes out of pocket. But that's a whole other story...). The difference between the two? Western medicine makes you feel like crap. It makes you cry over the littlest things. It makes you snap at your husband, your coworkers, anyone who looks at you funny. Eastern medicine...doesn't.

My first acupuncture session was interesting. I had a consultation with the doctor. He asked me several questions, which according to my subsequent research, are the typical questions asked in TCM. ( Then he had me lay on the table, roll up my pant legs, sleeves and shirt (up to my ribs). Then poke, poke, poke. The needles didn't hurt. I felt them. But it was all very quick. Then I laid still for 20 minutes in the dark with soothing music. He came back, pulled out the needles (of course, the one that bled was the one smack in the middle of my forehead), and prescribed me some herbs (which I just got in the mail). I go back for another session tomorrow.

In some ways I felt a little disappointed. I guess I had these high expectations that I would have some sort of marked reaction. But I didn't. Don't get me wrong - I'm ok with that. I'd rather feel nothing than feel like crap like I have felt for the last 6 months. I suppose I was hoping for some miracle release.

It also raised some questions...apparently in TCM, practitioners don't diagnose. Being raised in a culture where we all want to know exactly what the issue is based on a set of symptoms, this is a bit hard for me to wrap my brain around. I have have to diagnose SOMETHING because practitioners make decisions on where to place the needles based on assessing your particular needs. So, I'm anxious to go back tomorrow and really ask him about what it is he's doing - why those spots? What is he hoping to accomplish? I know that at it's core, acupuncture is supposed to improve the flow of qi (chi), and perhaps I'll just have to be ok with that as an answer.

Anyways. Regardless of whether I actually conceive, I haven't cried all month. I've had a couple brief moments where I thought I might cry when talking about all this, but I didn't. I don't think repressing tears is necessarily a great thing. But I have to confess that I missed being able to repress my emotions! A good cry now and then is a must. But crying every other the car...that was getting really old. This month I feel like myself again, and I like it.


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