Waiting is the hardest part

This is torture. Ridiculous, overwhelming, mind-fucking torture. Do I sound a bit dramatic? Perhaps. But I don't care. Every little twinge, every cramp, every discomfort, every potential "symptom" becomes this little glimmer of hope. Hope that builds and builds even though you KNOW that being hopeful will only lead to crushing defeat in the matter of weeks. Yet you can't help wondering if every twinge of discomfort, every cramp, every ache is an actual "symptom." Like now - waking up in the middle of the night with breast discomfort, constant headaches, lightheadedness despite being sufficiently hydrated. Maybe, just maybe it means something good. or maybe it means that I'm overly medicated. Maybe it's PMS. Maybe it's because I'm tired and stressed. I know 2 weeks isn't a long time, but it feels like a year. I hate this. I hate this whole thing.

But I love the dear people who have been on this journey with me. I'm so sorry that I'm so obsessed, fixated, unable to think about anything else. You've got to be just as ready for this to be over as I am because then you don't have to listen to me whine anymore. I'm trying not to pester you, I promise.


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